As I get older I become increasingly more aware of the many different views, ways of life, annd foundations that are present in our world. I imagine it would not take long for any of us to identify people within our own circles that share a different outlook on life or belief system. And for the record, I think that there is nothing wrong with that fact, and each person has the right to choose that for themselves.
Where this comes into play most is dealing in the area of conflict. With conflict, there are always two sides. There are always two different ways of thinking or there would not be "conflict" in the first place. The fact that conflict happens is not something that can be changed. However, the thought processes of the people involved and the attitudes that they take into that conflict are things that CAN change!
How do you handle conflict? What are the steps you take throughout that process to work towards having peace? I want to just share a few quick thoughts/questions that I have seen work in my own life when navigating through conflict:
What are the motives of both parties? KNOWING is half the battle. If you understand where the other side is coming from, it is easier to try to think like them, communicate with them, and eventually find common ground with them.
Are you working towards selfishness or are you working towards the RIGHT and FAIR thing for all parties involved? Remember, there is a HUGE difference in fighting for what is right versus fighting for revenge.
Is there common ground to both find to work forward from? As stated in the first paragraph, there are many different thought processes out there. If both sides are operating from different foundations (which is most often the case), then is there some sort of common ground that can be used as a building block towards the end of the conflict?
WHO is influencing your position? I find that alot of the time VERY negative and selfish people end up trying to bend the ear of the parties directly involved, because since they are on the outside looking in they have no immediate investment as a decision-maker and can therefore bathe the process in selfishness and falsehoods. If you are a final decision-maker in a conflict, then it is imperative that you seek wisdom, and not the advice of other people that do not hold you or themselves accountable to truth and facts.
Is your stance based on facts or assumptions? It is very easy to get flustered or mad after hearing others say things that have no substance or truth to them, and then stand firm in a stance that is based on ZERO truth. If something like that is said, it is only right to go to the source and get facts uncovered, THEN make decisions. If you aren't willing to go through that process to seek truth, then you have no business opening your mouth or forming an opinion at all.
Finally, are the things your saying to support your case consistent with how you live the rest of your life? For example, if you are trying to hold others accountable for actions they may make or things they have said, etc, then are you willing to be accountable for the actions right or wrong that you make in your own life? Are you aggressively and selfishly pursuing something yet at the same time gripe and get mad when others pursue something against you, acting like you cant possibly understand how that can happen and why people are like that?
Conflict is never fun. Conflict is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. Conflict creates opportunities for people to grow further apart due to just the process alone. Yet at the same time it also provides an opportunity to allow to God to show up and work. It allows others to pray along side you and grow relationships and friendships in that process. It allows us to be molded and challenge our views and thought processes that we walk with each day. And then in the end, when the conflict is resolved, it allows another opportunity for God to receive the glory.
I encourage each and every one of us to look beyond our own understanding and beliefs when it comes to dealing with conflict. I hope we all make every effort to infuse truth, what is right, and also show love when these situations arise.
I hope we will try to show them Jesus...
